It’s not always easy to recognize trauma. It doesn’t announce its presence with dramatic signs, nor does it leave an outward mark — but it can certainly eat away at self-esteem and personal relationships in silence. Most often, it doesn’t show up as scary flashbacks or panic attacks. It manifests itself as avoidance, shutdowns, people-pleasing behavior, or reacting explosively to something mildly stressful. These behaviors are often attributed to the fight flight freeze fawn cycle.
These are not considered to be weaknesses. Rather, they are self-preservation techniques our, and humanity’s, nervous systems depend on to defend us from actual or perceived threats. In order to comprehend these responses better, let’s go through real-life situations where each trauma response subtly and often unnoticed plays out.
The Office Conflict: The Fight Response Example
Consider a situation during an office meeting: Everyone’s on the edge and one of your colleagues completely misreads your data. You, without thinking, interrupt them mid-way saying: “Actually, that’s incorrect!” and raise your voice while doing so. You’re not trying to take over or dominate the discussion; your body has detected a threat – loss of control, and a misrepresentation that felt very unsafe.
This is the “fight” response. It’s not always physical. It comes in the form of emotional outbursts, irritability, and defensiveness. People in fight mode are not attempting to hurt anyone; instead, they are protecting their internal equilibrium from a perceived attack or an unjust threat.
Fight responses tend to emerge from confrontational environments that demand a level of confrontation for one’s survival—a home where you have to yell to be heard or stand your ground lest you be dismissed. It impacts relationships in adulthood, which is hurtful, but the origin is protective.
Flight on a First Date: When Strangulated Triggers Distance
Now think about a first date that is going correctly at the start. But your date digs a little too deep, asking about your childhood so you want to give them a delightful smile and politely excuse yourself saying that you have an early morning meeting. You are overwhelmed, and leaving is the only option you have to breathe.
This is the flight response. It is not always running and avoiding a place. In other forms, it manifests as perfectionism, over-scheduling, or cutting ties early. To stave off the possibility of silence, being still, or intimacy, one may prefer staying “on the go.”
Often, Flight responses develop from homes where emotional vulnerability lacks safety—where one’s invisibility feels safer than being seen. While this can help in dodging conflict, it inhibits connection.
Freeze During Conflict: The Body That Cannot Move
Picture this: You’re having a conversation with a significant other, and things seem to be getting heated. Voices escalate, and rather than arguing or storming out, you emotionally shut down. Thoughts come to a grinding halt, your heart rate escalates, and your hands feel tingly. It’s as though your brain has put itself on pause; engaging but not acting.
This is known as the freeze response. It is the body’s way of playing dead. It attempts to conserve resources like attention, escape the spotlight, or numb to the over-stimulus. Freeze can be immobilized in a procrastination spell, dissociation, inertia, or even indecisiveness.
Individuals who default to freeze often come from chaotic or unpredictable environments where doing something exacerbates the situation. Shutting down became an adaptive strategy to stay ‘safe’.
Fawn at Family Dinner: People-Pleasing as Tactical Survival
Imagine a family dinner infused with an underlying tension. One of the relatives makes an unabashedly rude remark. You defuse the situation with a smile followed by laughter, do a little dance, and change the topic—hopeful that peace is maintained. In the aftermath of the dinner, you’re exhausted to the bone, even bitter, but the notion of encountering conflict is worse.
That’s the fawn response. It stems from trying to please someone to avoid conflict or perpetuate peace. Fawning is not an act of kindness; it is self-protective behavior. It can manifest as compulsive apologizing, agreeing to do things contrary to one’s preferences, and masking emotions to avoid unpopularity.
Typically, people exhibit this response because the environment where they grew up was filled with conditional love or threatening conflicts. Fawners may have problems with self-identity, personal boundaries, and authenticity.
Toxic Responses Are Not Character Flaws
The most notable misconception regarding these responses is that they derive from something intrinsic within us. Being rude does not signal rudeness. Avoiding conflict is one’s way of preserving inner peace, and not being flaky. Having challenges articulating disagreement during conflicts isn’t indicative of weakness. Overly accommodating others is not a sign of fakeness.
All the behaviors mentioned above are a form of coping mechanism trying to adapt to life threatening situations an individual is faced with. Understanding those behaviors, in fact, allows room for compassion and, ultimately, fostering change.
When we misinterpret these trauma responses as character weaknesses, we forego an opportunity to address them. One self-evaluates excessively and thinks, “What’s wrong with me?” And then tries to find a solution, getting to the bottom of things becomes shameful.
Can These Responses Be Unlearned?
You bet. The brain is not fixed in stone. Thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire responding pathways and create new ways of responding to stress. But healing isn’t forcing yourself to “stop fawning” or “stand up and fight.” It is about understanding where your reactions come from—and working with your nervous system, not against it.
Therapeutic approaches that support this type of change include somatic experiencing, EMDR, and trauma-informed cognitive therapies. These treatments don’t only analyze your behaviors, but rather, help you feel safe enough to try new ones.
You learn how to pause when you want to run. Speak up when you want to freeze. Set a boundary when fawning tries to slip in. These are not instincts; they are skills. And skills can be learned.
Recognizing the Response in Others
Understanding these trauma responses in yourself means others will become more noticeable too. That friend who always needs to “fix” everything? Fawn. The colleague who shuts down during feedback? Freeze. The partner who withdraws after conflict? Flight. The sibling who always escalates arguments? Fight.
Relationships can be transformed with this shift in perception. Notice the underlying fear rather than taking things personally. There’s no longer just a reaction, only a response. The cycle of trauma is no longer perpetuated; it is disrupted instead.
And that’s how healing travels – from one nervous system to another. And it all begins with you.
Change the Cycle: Everyday Actions
Whichever default trauma mode you operate from, healing does not need drastic changes. No matter how small, consistent efforts have the greatest impact. Here are some simple daily actions that can help:
- Become aware of your triggers. Take a moment to identify what is going on within your body before reacting.
- Be less active. Fight or flight is triggered with speed. Slowing down fosters deeper thought.
- Establish limits. If you tend to fawn response, try saying, “I need time to think about that.”
- Be in the now. Overwhelm fuels Freeze. Grounding techniques can help you feel around yourself.
- Look for supportive people. As not every surrounding is therapeutic, find people and places that will be conducive for your development.
Changing one moment at a time requires curiosity, not perfection.
Conclusions
The fight flight freeze fawn response information enables one to come out of constant survival mode into conscious living. It is not about blame, but rather about awareness. You no longer have to stay stuck in reactions that once kept you secure but now stifle progress.
You were not broken; you merely adapted. With the right support, you can construct new pathways, self self-narrative identities in a safe environment, not one founded on fear.